Psychology in Fiction Q&A: Effects of Being Isolated from Men

QUESTION: A young girl is taken prisoner along with a number of her family members. The women are separated and sent to separate prisons from the men, and my character eventually ends up being held in isolation in a nunnery, though not outright treated cruelly. After eight years, after her father wins his rebellion, she is returned home. What would the emotional effects of this be?

ANSWER: I'll start with the isolation: The biggest thing that strikes me is that without a lot of contact with other people, especially kids her age, she would be emotionally and developmentally immature.  In other words, she would have essentially stopped aging emotionally in a lot of ways.  She would still be at the emotional maturity of a younger girl.

It doesn't sound like she'd be traumatized by the isolation, necessarily, since she wasn't treated poorly, but depending on what you want to do with her, she could be someone who lives very much in her head (ie in fantasy) and who kind of eschews contact with others, possibly because they're loud and unpredictable and therefore frightening.  If you wanted to take this to an extreme, she could be very closed off from others, even seeming cold and withdrawn.

Alternately, she could be very clingy with someone who was extremely kind to her once she's been freed, because she's terrified of being alone again. If she was taken care of primarily by women during her isolation, she would probably be freaked out a bit by men.

Finally, whether she's able to recover and live a normal life is going to depend a lot on what her life was like before her abduction.  If she had strong, healthy relationships, she's more likely to recover as an adult than

if she did not.

The writer then supplied me with a little additional information and asked for some clarification:  She had healthy relationships before but I think your comment about being fearful of men is a strong possibility. In what way would she be most likely show being freaked out by men do you think? She has grown up into a mature young woman with no interaction with men. This is so totally outside my experience I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around whether she would be more likely to try to please them or avoid them. Also how she would relate to her father who she might blame for years of imprisonment--or might be grateful that he finally managed to force her release. Before she was imprisoned, she witnessed/was part of a couple of horrendous battles thanks to his rebellion...


Since she saw some horrendous battles she could also have some lingering PTSD (nightmares, anxiety attacks, a tendency to withdraw from others, a tendency to startle easily:). If you wanted to, since she's been around women so much, you could make men a trigger for PTSD symptoms -- that is, they might remind her of the awful battles; she might see them as scary and brutish and dangerous. She might experience nightmares or panic attacks, or have trouble sleeping or be extremely watchful around them. She might drink when she had to be around them so she'd feel less anxious. Depending on what you want to do with your story (eg if there's any romance to it), that would give your hero a bit of an uphill battle to overcome her automatic fear reactions. He would have to be patient and kind (though nobody could blame him if he got frustrated sometimes)..

Those are all kind of extreme reactions, but in a lot of ways that's the nice thing about dealing with individual differences -- you can make the story go in the direction you need it to if you understand the basic psychological possibilities. That is, we can say "she could do x, y, or z depending on the temperament she was born with" and you can say, "Ah, y would work best for my story."

So having the reactions above toward men -- fear -- are one possibility.

Another would be to have her want to please them, but I see that being the least likely possibility. If she's mostly spent time around women, she's either going to see women as strong, capable creatures who don't necessarily need men, or as victims of men's behavior -- it depends on the messages she got as a captive. If she was constantly being told in some way that "this is the evil men do," then she will see women as victims and be more obsequeious with men. If men simply weren't a part of these women's lives, though, I think it's more likely she would just see men as strange and different and women as capable. I see her being very cautious around men. They're strange creatures, and how to understand strange creatures? You sit back and observe. I think she'd be a sponge, watching how other people react to men, how they react to each other, how they treat her. She might even respond to them the same way she has learned to respond to other women, and be confused when they don't always respond the way she expects. How analytical she is will depend some on how smart she is, and how curious.

You can go in whichever direction you want with her feelings about her father. It would probably depend on how she remembers him -- as distant and punishing or as kind and loving. It would also depend on the messages she was given about him. If the nuns constantly told her she was there because of her father and seemed angry or disapproving, she'd pick up that attitude.

Finally, given that she needs to get married and whatnot, she might also feel some resentment toward men for changing her life so profoundly. You and I might think of being isolated as horrible, but people adapt to the situations they're in and find ways to survive. Change is hard, and going from being isolated to being around lots of people would probably leave her wishing at times that she could just be left alone, or even that things hadn't changed. Because while being isolated might not have been fun, it was familiar.

You can combine several reactions as she re-integrates into society -- just make sure her changes aren't sudden flips, that they happen gradually and that we see enough of what's going on with her to get why maybe she went from being terrified of men to being willing to sleep with one. :)

Remember, if YOU have a psychology in fiction question you want to see answered here, use the Q&A form on the Archetype site or send me an email at w e b m a s t e r (AT) archetypewriting (DOT) com. (Take out the spaces in the first word and please use Q&A in your Subject Line!).  If you would prefer to have the question answered on the QueryTracker.net Blog, you can email your question to c k a u f m a n (AT) querytracker (DOT) net. Again, please use Q&A in your Subject Line!

Psychology in Fiction Q&A: Partner Abuse

QUESTIONS: 1. What kind of therapy would a teenage girl go through after she's been in an abusive relationship? 2. Are there any books or websites you could recommend for more information dealing with therapy post break-up? 3. Since there is a new love interest in the MC's life, would he be involved in any sessions?  4. Is there a way for him to learn how to be there for her, or is that something that is never considered? 5. From what I've read, girls who've experienced relationship abuse may have posttraumatic stress disorder after it's over. Do you have any other resources you'd recommend?

ANSWERS: For readers who aren't familiar with the signs and causes of domestic violence, you may want to drop by the HelpGuide for a comprehensive overview.

On to the questions!

1. What kind of therapy would a teenage girl go through after she's been in an abusive relationship? 

 If you're looking for the name of a therapy, I'd say the most likely choice would be Interpersonal Therapy (IPT) coupled with feminist therapy.  The feminist aspect is the most  important part of therapy for DV (domestic violence, a catchall term for relationship violence) because it does not blame the survivor (note the use of the word survivor rather than victim); in fact, it looks at how society cultivates violence against women via things like the popular media, attitudes that women should be subservient, court systems that don't provide adequate consequences for batterers, and so on.

2. Are there any books or websites you could recommend for more information dealing with therapy post break-up?

Getting a sense of the feminist theories and approaches that make therapy for DV unique will be a big help.

• PDF Article: Beyond Victim Blaming: Feminist Therapy and Battered Women
• Online Article: Theory and Techniques of Feminist Therapy
• I have not read Lenore Walker in a long time, but she is one of the experts on DV.  You might check Amazon or your local library to see whether they have copies of her work.

3. Since there is a new love interest in the MC's life, would he be involved in any sessions? 

No. Definitely not, unless, say, they're ready to get married and wanted to do some premarital counseling. Even then, I'd want them to see a separate therapist for the couples therapy. Since I worked exclusively with DV for a year, I can say pretty confidently that if a client asked me if she could involve her new boyfriend, I'd want to explore what made her want to bring him into therapy. My response would vary based on what she said, but without any extra information (as I write this), I'd probably wonder about her confidence in her independence and ability to function without a man.  Not in a blaming way, but I'd want to work with her even more on autonomy, recognizing her unique strengths, and feeling (and behaving) as if she is equal in a relationship.

4. Is there a way for him to learn how to be there for her, or is that something that is never considered?

Absolutely, there are things he can do, and he'd be a keeper if he really tried to do these things!

Many people believe DV is rooted in sexism, so fighting sexism in himself and the people around him would be huge.

A man who has feminist attitudes can be a great support.  I should probably clarify -- a lot of people feel like "feminist" is a bad word. Like many people, until I was exposed to feminist therapy and truly began to understand what feminism meant, I bought into the stereotype that feminists are militaristic man-haters. Though certainly some fall into that category, they are the exception rather than the norm.  All feminism is is the belief that women should have equal rights and opportunities.

The Maine Coalition to End Violence has a great resource that shows what a feminist man's attitudes and
behaviors would be like.

The nice thing is that younger men often do have more feminist attitudes than older men. Overall a supportive man would believe that what had been done to your character was wrong and that she didn't deserve it and doesn't deserve any blame for it. He wouldn't push her around, smother her, or breathe down her neck -- he'd trust that she is a capable human being.  

Other attitudes that are much more subtle are things like avoiding assumptions of male privilege.  For example, he doesn't assume he should be the one who drives, even when they're taking his car. He can open doors and be nice, but he's not seizing control of things just because he's male. 

He wouldn't put up with sexist jokes and overt exploitation of women -- ie he's not going to endorse pornography that shows women saying "no" when they "really" mean yes. He's not going to see shoving yiour character against the wall or pinning her down as sexy.  (Don't get me wrong, perfectly healthy couples can play at things like that if they've agreed to it and have safety words in place -- but something like this would probably scare someone who's been abused.  So he'd need to be sensitive to things like that.)  

He would need to leave room for her opinions, and respect them even if he disagrees with them.  (He can disagree openly, but he doesn't try to intimidate her into anything, or blame her if, say, she chooses a movie he
doesn't like.)

I don't know how old your characters are or if they're sexually active, but if she was raped, that's definitely something to address in therapy.  He would really need to respect her boundaries and he'd want to make sure she knew it was okay to ask him to stop if she got scared or uneasy.

 5. From what I've read, girls who've experienced relationship abuse may have posttraumatic stress disorder after it's over. Do you have any other resources you'd recommend?

An absolutely fantastic book on PTSD is Aphrodite Matsakis' I Can't Get Over It: A Handbook for Trauma Survivors.

Remember, if YOU have a psychology in fiction question you want to see answered here, use the Q&A form on the Archetype site or send me an email at w e b m a s t e r (AT) archetypewriting (DOT) com. (Take out the spaces in the first word and please use Q&A in your Subject Line!).  If you would prefer to have the question answered on the QueryTracker.net Blog, you can email your question to c k a u f m a n (AT) querytracker (DOT) net. Again, please use Q&A in your Subject Line!

Do Your Characters Send the Messages They Intend To?

I did quite a bit of driving around town today, and at one point I was on the highway behind a guy on a motorcycle.  He had what appeared to be a wolf tail attached to his back fender.  This led to three thoughts:

1. I saw a bunch of people wearing similar tails at DragonCon. What's with the wolf tails? Is it a Twilight thing?  
2. What exactly is this guy trying to convey by attaching a wolf tail to the back of his motorcycle?  Because I'd bet quite a bit of money that the message he's trying to send ain't the one I'm getting. 
3. What's up with those people who attach big metal balls to the back undercarriage of their trucks?  Because that's messed up too.  (I did a little Googling. They have all kinds of not-so-clever names, and they've been banned in some states. Unfortunately, Ohio is apparently not one of those states.  If you haven't seen them and you really want to put yourself through it, you can see some pictures here and here. No more explicit than what you're probably imagining, but maybe not so good to click at work or around small children who might ask awkward questions.)

Keeping questions 1 and 3 in mind, let's focus on Question 2 and relate it back to writing. 

Everybody does something called impression management.  Impression management is the process by which we try to control what impressions other people form of us.  People who are high self-monitorers are more likely to monitor how they're being perceived and adjust their behavior to make the impression they want to make.  They see themselves as flexible and good with other people.  Low self-monitorers pay less attention to how they're affecting others and just say what they have to say.  They see themselves as pragmatic and less easily swayed by others. (If you want to take the self-monitoring scale and see where you fall, you can do that here. Let me know how you come out in the comments!)

Both high and low self-monitorers use impression management, they just use it differently based on how they want to be perceived.  One wants to be perceived in whatever way is most favorable in that particular situation; the other wants to be seen as independent and unswayed by others.

Start paying attention to the way people around you manage impressions.  Because the guy with the tail on his motorcycle, he was trying to give a particular impression.  I sincerely doubt it was Team Jacob, but that did come to mind.  Maybe he was going for something cool and independent like lone wolf?  If he was, it backfired, because I just thought seriously, what's up with that? and then started thinking about other weird things that make me wonder the same thing (hence, the truck balls).

Honestly, if I'd seen him in a parking lot, I'd have gone up and asked him what was up with the wolf tail, just to find out what he really was thinking.

What impressions do your characters want to give other people?  Do they want to seem competent?  Cool?  Friendly?  Sexy? Something else?

How do they try to convey that? (For that matter, how do you try to convey that in the story?)

How might it backfire?

I'll be interested to read your thoughts in the comments!

Strong Female Protagonists

I went to DragonCon over Labor Day weekend.  It was pure chaos, spread out across four massive hotels with nary a sign in sight to direct you most of the time.  DragonCon has panel tracks, and there was a writing track, so I trekked my way up the hill to the Hyatt and then down into the bowels of the place in search of a panel called Strong Female Protagonists.  Ah, I thought.  Someone was going to talk about the Anti-Bella.  Yay feminism!

Not so much.

Some of the authors on the panel talked about how their female protagonists aren't really strong -- they're just so incredibly vulnerable that they have no choice but to buck up a little bit to survive.  Others talked about how their heroines' strength was born out of how much said heroines hate themselves. (Which is, sadly, a cliche of the urban fantasy genre.) It felt like half of them were apologizing for female characters who were seen as strong.

And then the whole thing devolved into a discussion of how explicit your sex scenes should be. 

You know what I learned from the panel?  How incredibly uncomfortable our society still is with strong, independent women.  So uncomfortable, in fact, that people retreated into a discussion about the most primitive way for men and women to relate: sex. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good conversation about sex as much as the next person, but not when it's a way to avoid the elephant we really came to discuss.

In fact, the only truly useful part of the panel was when one author mentioned that the role of Lt. Ripley, the heroine of the Aliens movies, was originally written for a man.  When Sigourney Weaver was cast instead, nobody bothered to rewrite the script. What we got was one of cinema's most unapologetically powerful women.

My favorite strong female character is probably Jennifer Garner's Sydney Bristow from TV's Alias series.  I was so impressed with Sydney's toughness and independence because it was balanced with heart and intelligence.  Sydney was competent and confident, and nobody questioned that.  If she and her partner Michael Vaughn got in a tight situation, you know who fought their way out?  Well, they worked together, but Syd just happened to be the better fighter.  Sydney did dress up and emphasize her sex appeal from time to time, but it was a tool in her arsenal, her way of taking advantage of stereotypes, and just one of the many approaches she was capable of using.

Who are your favorite strong female protagonists?  Why do you like them?

Using Double Binds to Raise Tension

Following my post on the double bind theory originally developed to explain why people develop schizophrenia, a couple of people asked me to write more about double binds.

I said:

Double-bind theory is Gregory Bateman's 1950's-era proposition that what causes schizophrenia is repeated no-win dilemmas in the child's family life. In other words, the child was repeatedly confronted with statements that contained two contradictory statements (i.e. a double bind). Because of the child's attachment to the caregiver, he was eager to do as the caregiver asked -- the problem was that by meeting one demand, he would be defying the other.

So what are some examples of double binds, people asked? Not necessarily with regards to schizophrenia, but in general?

First, it's important to understand that most human communication doesn't involve words. In fact, only 7% of communication is attributable to the words' explicit meaning.  Fifty-five percent of communication is body language, and the remaining 38% is vocal inflection and tone.  So a double bind may or may not involve two explicit contradictory statements.  The contradiction may be between body language and words, or between tone and words.

Sometimes double binds are called "no-win situations," though double binds are often psychologically more complex than the average no-win situation.

The double bind happens like this:

1. The individual is given one command, with an explicit or implied "or else."  The individual needs the relationship with the person giving the command, and therefore feels obligated to obey.
2. The individual is given a contradictory command verbally or nonverbally.
3. Sometimes other rules are imposed to keep the person from escaping the double bind.  Usually there is something keeping the person from remarking on the paradox, either because she doesn't truly understand the paradox, or because the situation prohibits her from commenting on the paradox to help her resolve it.

For example, imagine a character who has a temper and withdraws love when something upsets him.  Now imagine that this character insists that he will leave his partner (or otherwise stop loving her) if she doesn't provide him with negative feedback he knows she holds.  Suddenly she's trapped in a double bind.  If she doesn't give him the negative feedback, he will withdraw love.  If she does give him the negative feedback, he will withdraw love.  If she tells him that he's providing her with an unfair situation, he will withdraw love.  Several of these messages are nonverbal, but they're there.

Here are a couple websites that address double binds that you may find helpful.  Both give examples.

• How to Handle Double-Bind Questions
• Changing Minds.org's Entry on Double Bind Questions

As I'm writing, I keep thinking about the movie Saw.  The villain, Jigsaw, confronts people with double binds; I think that's part of what makes the first movie so intriguing psychologically.  He provides each victim with  something horrific that he can stop only by doing something just as horrific.

For example, in the first movie two men wake up, chained across a filthy washroom from each other.  One victim, Dr. Gordon (remember, doctors are taught to "do no harm," and this value is important to Gordon) must kill the other man; otherwise, his family will be killed.  But that's not the real double bind.  The double bind is that there's another alternative -- Dr. Gordon can also saw off his own leg to get away and go try to save his family himself.  There is nothing unethical about sawing off your own leg, and you can even hope that Dr. Gordon will know enough about the human body to tie an effective tourniquet.  But both alternatives are so abhorrent psychologically that Gordon (and the watcher) are paralyzed.

Creating truly paralyzing psychological double binds for your characters will raise tension and make the story intriguing.  Here's how to do it:

1. You must establish your hero's values so we see there is really no out to his situation.
2. You must raise the stakes high enough that each alternative is truly perilous for your hero.
3. You must demonstrate in some way that the villain will truly follow through with her threats if the hero does not choose one of the (psychologically unacceptable) alternatives.
4. You must not be afraid to go there psychologically yourself.  (This is what holds a lot of people back from a truly great double bind in their fiction, so really think about this one.)
5. You can't remain paralyzed by the situation.  Once you paint your character into a truly awful corner, you have to force him to make a decision.  Part of what makes Saw so shocking is that Gordon does make a decision, and it really is awful.
6. You need to acknowledge the fallout of that decision.  If the alternatives are truly awful, there's going to be fallout of some kind, and that should be awful too.

It scares a lot of people to really Go There; that is, to really go through all six of the above steps. It scares them because they have to own up to the fact that they imagined something really awful and inflicted it on their characters.  It scares them because they don't want to sully their shining hero with a truly awful decision.  It scares them because they don't want to have to make a truly awful choice, and they must if the story is to continue.

It's okay to be scared.  Write with the fear, share it with your characters, and see where that takes you.

Psychology in Fiction Q&A: Schizophrenic Families

Disclaimer: The information provided in this post is intended for writing purposes only and does not represent psychological advice.

QUESTION: What would a sibling of a person with schizophrenia function like? What are the traits of a schizophrenic family bind that I used to hear about?

ANSWER: Because schizophrenia is a biological disease, siblings of people with schizophrenia are 10 times more likely to develop the disorder than other people;  they are also at greater risk for schizophrenic spectrum disorders like schizotypal personality disorder and schizoaffective disorder.  In other words, some siblings may have schizophrenia-like tendencies of their own, even if they don't have the full-blown disorder.

Double-bind theory is Gregory Bateman's 1950's-era proposition that what causes schizophrenia is repeated no-win dilemmas in the child's family life.  In other words, the child was repeatedly confronted with statements that contained two contradictory statements (i.e. a double bind).  Because of the child's attachment to the caregiver, he was eager to do as the caregiver asked -- the problem was that by meeting one demand, he would be defying the other.  Because he was presented with such double binds on a regular basis, and because he doesn't have the cognitive maturity to know how to choose one statement over the other to escape the double bind, he eventually escapes from the extraordinary stress the double bind causes by retreating from the "real world" and into psychosis (i.e. delusions and hallucinations).

Double-bind theory has fallen out of favor with regards to schizophrenia for two reasons.  First, we have so much data that demonstrates a biological cause for schizophrenia, not an environmental one.  Second, double-bind theory is nearly impossible to test, so there is little empirical research that can support it.

There is research, however, to support the idea that a problematic family environment can contribute to the relapse of someone who's been treated for schizophrenia. Most notably, people with schizophrenia are likely to relapse when their family is high in expressed emotion (EE).  Expressed emotion consists of three parts: criticism, hostility, and emotional overinvolvement.

People with schizophrenia are extremely sensitive to stress, and being treated with constant dislike, disapproval, rejection, disrespect, and the assumption that they are not capable human beings is enough to stress anyone out!

So even if the siblings in your story don't have schizophrenic tendencies themselves, you could make them somewhat critical and hostile people who show a lot of expressed emotion toward their brother or sister!

Hope that's helpful!

Remember, if YOU have a psychology in fiction question you want to see answered here, use the Q&A form on the Archetype site or send me an email at w e b m a s t e r (AT) archetypewriting (DOT) com. (Take out the spaces in the first word and please use Q&A in your Subject Line!).  If you would prefer to have the question answered on the QueryTracker.net Blog, you can email your question to c k a u f m a n (AT) querytracker (DOT) net. Again, please use Q&A in your Subject Line!

Psychology in Fiction Q&A: Repressed Memories

QUESTION: How realistic is it for a man in his early twenties to have few conscious memories of his childhood? What could account for this volume of lost information (if it's even possible)?

Additional Information: The protagonist was put up for adoption at age two, because his mother had died and his father was unable to support him. After only a few months, he was adopted and raised by an older couple. He has convinced himself that his childhood somehow doesn't "count" because of his father's absence. He is also convinced that he can restore a traditional father/son relationship, and is obsessively looking for him. It seems he holds little or no value in his life with his foster parents, so I can see how he could ignore those years to the point of outright forgetting them.

ANSWER: It's plenty realistic, if it's happening for the reason it normally happens.

What you're talking about is referred to as "repressed memories," or memories that have been pushed down/away from the conscious because they're too painful to recall. Repression, in other words, is a defense mechanism. Painful can mean a lot of things. Humiliating, scary, incredibly sad, confusing, etc.

Not knowing much about your story, I would suggest that perhaps you put the protagonist up for adoption just a bit later in life. I think you need to give him a bit more time to attach to his dad and theoretically have made some memories to repress. I mean, let's face it, most people's first memories are from age three or four or even five years old in the first place. This is arguably because a) The brain hasn't developed far enough to retain memories in an adult way or b) The child hasn't yet developed enough language to store the memories in a way that can later be retrieved by the adult brain.

If your protagonist is put up for adoption at age five or six and then has few memories of his childhood, perhaps including after he got adopted, you've got something pretty darn realistic as far as repressed memories go. It would also help if the couple who adopts your protagonist is not an ideal family. They can be good people, but perhaps they don't really know how to relate to a child and so they're distant, or aloof, or just extremely busy with their own lives. Or maybe they're not great people--not abusive, per se, but maybe they're cold and critical, and your protagonist unconsciously puts his father on a pedestal and that's why he's obsessive about finding him as an adult. I could see someone discounting his life with his adoptive parents if they were never really "there" for him emotionally, and yearning for a connection with this father he's built up in his head.

I hope that's helpful! Let me know if you have additional questions!

Remember, if YOU have a psychology in fiction question you want answered, use the Q&A form on the Archetype site or send me an email at w e b m a s t e r (AT) archetypewriting (DOT) com. (Take out the spaces in the first word and please use Q&A in your Subject Line!)