Archetype Writing Blog

Yes, I think this officially constitutes a series at this point. I've also ranted about

• Martini Therapy: Alcoholism as a Fashion Statement Part I


• Beer & Whiskey Therapy: Alcoholism as a Fashion Statement Part II

I found a book while I was browsing at a discount store yesterday: Cocktail Therapy: The Perfect Prescription for Life's Many Crises. The back said, I kid you not:

Forget crying into your beer. When calamity strikes there's a perfect cocktail to ease your woes. During their bartending years, Leanne Shear and Tracey Toomey were often witness to all kinds of personal crises. And while others may take refuge with their therapist or on the racquetball court, Leanne and Tracey concluded that the quickest way to beat the blues is with a delicious drink (or two). That hot guy from last week still hasn't called? Try a Pomegranate Martini -- bold, tasty, but not so lethal that you'll be tempted to drunk dial him. Gain a few pounds? Indulge in a (nearly) guiltless Sugar-Free Mojito. Credit card bill contains a few nasty surprises? A decadent Bourbon Bee Sting will leave you feeling like a million dollars. As dependable as a good friend and guaranteed not to utter a single "I told you so," Cocktail Therapy proves that when life hands you lemons, the best thing to do is make a rum-soaked Tropical Lemonade.

The book actually suggests you forget healthy coping skills like talking to a therapist (or friend) or working out to deal with your stress. Nope, you should drink instead. And you should drink for every problem!

Drinking to deal with problems is what lands you in AA...if you're lucky. If you're not lucky, it lands you in the morgue because you drank and drove, or just because you pickled your internal organs. And alcoholism doesn't just affect you. It affects everyone around you, especially your family. And your kids.