Archetype Writing Blog

Yes, I think this officially constitutes a series at this point. I've also ranted about

• Martini Therapy: Alcoholism as a Fashion Statement Part I


• Beer & Whiskey Therapy: Alcoholism as a Fashion Statement Part II

I found a book while I was browsing at a discount store yesterday: Cocktail Therapy: The Perfect Prescription for Life's Many Crises. The back said, I kid you not:

Forget crying into your beer. When calamity strikes there's a perfect cocktail to ease your woes. During their bartending years, Leanne Shear and Tracey Toomey were often witness to all kinds of personal crises. And while others may take refuge with their therapist or on the racquetball court, Leanne and Tracey concluded that the quickest way to beat the blues is with a delicious drink (or two). That hot guy from last week still hasn't called? Try a Pomegranate Martini -- bold, tasty, but not so lethal that you'll be tempted to drunk dial him. Gain a few pounds? Indulge in a (nearly) guiltless Sugar-Free Mojito. Credit card bill contains a few nasty surprises? A decadent Bourbon Bee Sting will leave you feeling like a million dollars. As dependable as a good friend and guaranteed not to utter a single "I told you so," Cocktail Therapy proves that when life hands you lemons, the best thing to do is make a rum-soaked Tropical Lemonade.

The book actually suggests you forget healthy coping skills like talking to a therapist (or friend) or working out to deal with your stress. Nope, you should drink instead. And you should drink for every problem!

Drinking to deal with problems is what lands you in AA...if you're lucky. If you're not lucky, it lands you in the morgue because you drank and drove, or just because you pickled your internal organs. And alcoholism doesn't just affect you. It affects everyone around you, especially your family. And your kids.

I'm blithely walking through Kohl's department store the other day when I saw what I thought was beer on the shelf. Since that ain't normal, I took a closer look.

Boxer shorts and sleep pants!

Yes, that's right. Men's underwear and jammies packaged in familiar beer cans and bottles and a few Jim Bean and Jack Daniels barrels. And they had something for everyone. Guinness, Corona, Coors Light, Miller Lite, Bud Lite. And of course, for the hard-drinking folk, good ol' Jim and Jack.


I won't regale you with more stats, but is this really the best idea when drunk driving is one of the biggest killers as well as implicated in wife abuse, rape, and mental health problems?

But hey, now I feel like I have bookends for my point. Expensive t-shirts and high-class drinks for the ladies and liquor and beer for the gentlemen. Niiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiice.

• The only psychological disorder that is correlated with increased violence rates is substance abuse.
• You are more likely to be killed by a drunk driver than a stranger with mental illness. (Alcohol is involved in between 40 and 60% of all traffic fatalities.)
• One or both individuals has been using alcohol or drugs in most cases of sexual assault.
  

You know the drill. Drinking excessively is bad for you.

And physiological effects aside, drinking is not a healthy way to regularly deal with problems and stress. It's passive, avoidant, and will drop you into an alcoholic pattern faster than anything else. So start saving for therapy, your whole family's going to need it by the time you're done.

I'm not talking about a drink in the evening, or one here and there with friends. I'm talking about abuse, dependence, the problematic stuff. Looking forward to getting buzzed or drunk to help you deal with your life. Using it like therapy, say.

So what in hell is THIS?

That, my friend, is a $40 t-shirt suggesting that 3 martinis is as good as therapy. Maybe better.

If it were the first I'd seen, I'd roll my eyes and move on. But it's not the first I've seen. In fact, I've started seeing this sort of thing on pajamas.

And juuuuust in case you're not convinced it's really bad for you...here's one of my favorite pictures. It makes the ol' "This is Your Brain on Drugs" frying pan look pretty good.

And people wonder why today's starlets are bombing at the VMAs because they're (allegedly) too drunk to perform (one hopes she had an excuse), or failing to show up to movie sets and landing in rehab.

The tabloids are eager to point out possible eating disorders almost as much as they like hyping diets so readers can look just like the celebrities who were supposedly anorexic last week.

What we believe about who has what problem has a lot to do with what the media tells us. It took Paul McCartney a while to convince people he really wasn't dead after the news broke. Even Matt LeBlanc had to call his mother to reassure her after he was incorrectly reported deceased.

The point is, we get a lot of information through words, and we pay a lot of attention to those words. But we often lie with our mouths to try to convince people that what they're seeing is wrong. When a celebrity swears she doesn't have an eating disorder and that she is eating tons of food and working out with a trainer, it could be true. But it might not be.

Words are only 7% of what we say.

Pay attention to the other 93%.